


Let These Words Last Forever

by spidermaninplaid



Category: Big Time Rush
Genre: Cargan, Kames - Freeform, Kogan - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-06
Updated: 2013-01-06
Packaged: 2018-02-11 12:41:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2068635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spidermaninplaid/pseuds/spidermaninplaid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James Diamond, was the, how you might say it, most 'famous' boy in a small town's high school. Kendall Knight on the other hand, not so much. James never really noticed Kendall, and didn't notice him til he bumped into him on the way to school. James realized that there was something about Kendall, that just catching his eye everytime he saw him. Too bad, though. James had his chance, but, now that he doesn't. How? Lets just say, fire will do damage to the heart, if someone you love is caught inside the flames. Now, James looks through all the letters Kendall wrote to him, and noticed the messages Kendall sent to him. James thinks about these notes everyday, letting Kendall's words, last inside his mind forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

PROLOGUE

JAMES' POV

 

 

"I, just wanna let you know, that I, never wanna let go.." I sang softly, letting regretful tears spill down my cheeks. "Damn, damn, damn..." 

 

My voice finally cracked after that one word. Letting out a loud sob, I crumpled to the floor, letting more tears escape. No one was home, no one could heart my cries. The one person I actually felt love for, died a couple days ago. 

 

"God, I take it back! Kendall, I never meant to hurt you! I fucking loved you!" I yelled through choked sobs. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry..." 

 

"James..." 

 

My eyes shot open, and I sat up. Looking around the room, but nothing was there. "Hello?" 

 

"James, please stop crying..."


	2. Kapital Eins

KAPITAL EINS

JAMES' POV

 

 

"I still don't understand why we have to live here! We're rich! We have money to buy a nice house around here..." I pleaded to my mother, as I grabbed an apple from the kitchen to munch on. 

"James, you've been asking for months, and it's not happening!" She told me, with more of a tone in her voice. "Now, hurry along, you're gonna be late, GET READY!" 

"Uggggghhh..." I groaned, dragging my feet to my room, still eating my apple. I open my room, still eating my apple. I opened my closet doors, scanning through the selection of clothes I had. I had millions to choose from. I threw on a white v-neck, denim jeans, black converse, and of course, my black leather jacket. 

I quickly ran a comb through my bangs, and grabbed my bag. 

"James! It's seven o'clock! School starts in-" 

"I know, I know," I said, now standing in front of her. "ten minutes!" I hurried, kissing her cheek, and rushing out the door. 

BAM!

I fell to the floor, echoing a loud thud. 

"What the hell!? Watch where you're going, faggot!" I yelled at whoever knocked me over. 

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry!" the kid said, offering me a hand. 

"I can get up just fine, thank you!" I spat, picking myself up off the ground. 

I looked at him, his long blond bangs that fell in his face, shaped his features perfectly. His bottle green eyes stared into mine, sending me an apologetic look. 

"I'm really sorry, I just was trying to get to my friends apartment." the blonde kid said, now extending his hand out again. "I'm Kendall. I live upstairs, in the apartment above yours."

I didn't even much glance at his hand, let alone shake it. "I'm James." 

Kendall put his hand back down to his side awkwardly, sighing. "You're not much of a people person. Or, you just are mad at some kid who just knocked you flat on your ass." 

I rolled my eyes at him, and started to walk away. "See ya, loser!" I hollered, thinking of how I needed to get to school. I had to get out of there, I didn't wanna waste my time and or breathe talking to someone I could care less about. 

 

~*~

 

BRING! BRING! 

I quickly threw my books in my bag and raced out of the classroom. I did the 'fast walk' to my locker, and dialed the combination furiously. It popped open, letting a small note to fall out. I raised an eyebrow, bending down and picking it up. I glanced around the hall, looking around the hall, for any spies, or people who could be watching me so I could find out who the notes from. 

 

KENDALL'S POV 

 

I sighed, casually shoving books into my bag. I peaked around my locker door, seeing James reading the note. My eyes widened, and I quickly tried to hide my face, but failed, and banged my head on the top of my locker. My face was on fire, pink staining my cheeks. I needed to get out of here. 

I flung my bag strap onto my shoulder, as I slammed the locker door shut. I grabbed my friend, Logan, who was busy talking to his friend. Sorry, but this was an emergency, I needed him more then you did, buddy! I pulled him with me to my car, quickly. 

"Kendall, what is the matter with you?!" Logan asked loudly, yanking his arm back.

"Logan, I think I did something horrible." I admitted, as I bit down on my lip. 

"What'd you do?" He questioned. 

I pulled him closer, and put my mouth up to his ear. "I... I... wrote James Diamond a note." 

Logan pulled away, gasping. "YOU WROTE JAMES DI-" 

My hand quickly smacked over his lips, as my eyes met James' body, walking towards us. 

"Get away from my car, geeks." James spat, sending off a disgusted tone. 

"I'm not getting a friendly vibe..." Logan said, his voice muffled through my fingers. 

James' car roared to life in a matter of minutes. His 2012 flat black Lamborgini Gallardo was a beauty. Everyone at school wants that car. Heck, I'd just love to take a ride with him in it. I was to busy staring, I didn't even realize he had left the parking lot. 

"Dude, what did you say to him?" Logan asked frantically, still holding my hand close to his face. 

"I wrote him lyrics. I got bored in chemistry, and decided to write a song. I only wrote him a note with a few of the lines." I said, letting out a sigh, seeing my breath fog up in the cold winter air. 

Logan stared at me, his expression had. I raised an eyebrow, and pulled my hand away from his. 

"Hey! That was keeping me warm!" He blurted out, as he snatched my hand and put it back up to his face. "You're always so warm.." 

I chuckled, gently brushing my thumb over his cold cheeks. Logan's chocolate brown eyes glanced up, and stared into my eyes. 

"The car will warm you up," I said quickly, breaking the tension. "better then I ever could, anyway." It didn't help, Logan's eyes locked onto my lips, and then his gaze returned to my eyes. 

I pulled my hand back, and got into my car, quickly starting it up. It roared to life, and I motioned for Logan to get in. The passenger door opened, and he plopped down in the seat. I turned the heater on, and it began blowing the warm air onto us. 

"You wanna go get some coffee?" I suggested, looking over at Logan, and his blush stained face. 

"I'd like that." 

 

~*~

 

"Mom! I'm home!" I yelled, opening the door, and shutting it closed, gently. 

"How was you're day, sweetie?" She asked, walking into the kitchen with a basket of laundry. 

"Lemme help you with that," I suggested quickly, setting my coffee down, and tossing my bag to the floor. 

"I'm fine, honey." She said, sweetly. "Thank you though." 

I smiled, taking my jacket off, and hanging it on the dining room chair. "So, are you gonna tell me about you're day, yet?"

"Oh," I said quickly, not really wanting to talk about it. Just another day, that's all it ever was. "it was nothing special. The only exciting thing, I guess, was getting coffee with Logan." 

"He's such a good boy," she told me, with a bigger smile then before. "he's welcome anytime, just to let you know." 

"Thanks mum," I smiled back. "but, I have something to do, I'll be back in my room." 

"Okay, sweetie. I'll call you out when dinners done." 

I nodded to her, as I grabbed my bag, and headed to my bedroom. I closed the door behind me. My hanging Christmas lights flicked on, and so did my lava lamp. I smiled, picking up my acoustic guitar, and I sat down on my bed. My fingers gently grazed over the delicate strings, making it give out a soft tune. 

I leaned over, yanking my bag closer to me. I pulled out my journal, flipping the pages til I found the pages where I wrote my song earlier today. I re-read through the lyrics, and began trying to think of a beat and tune that would go amazing with this.

 

JAMES' POV

 

I groaned, now throwing myself back against my bed, laying down. "This is impossible!!" 

I always hated homework. Heck, I always hated the school that gave it out. So, I figured doing the homework meant passing the grades, and that meant getting further in the school career until I graduate. No getting held back, or any of that shit. 

 

"da, da, da, da.." 

 

I looked around, as I starting hearing a guitar strumming, and a beat being made with words. 

 

"I don't know why you always get so insecure... I wish that you can see what I see, when you're looking in the mirror..." 

 

That voice... was that the blonde kid who lived upstairs? It sounded alot like him. 

 

"And to me, you get more beautiful, everyday..." 

 

My eyes widened suddenly, hearing those words. I shoved my hand down in my pocket, and pulled out a small piece of paper that fell out of my locker earlier.

 

To me, you get more beautiful, everyday... 

 

No, this note can't be from him, anyone but him. But, could it? 

 

"It's what's underneath you're skin, the beauty that shines within..." 

 

I read those exact words next on the sheet in front of me. I couldn't believe this. I honestly wasn't sure what to think. Did... did he like me or something? 

Sudden realization hit me, just then. This kid has lived with me upstairs for THREE years now, and has went to school with me that long, also. And, I didn't even know his name before this morning. I hardly even noticed he was around... 

"Okay, I'll be right out!" I heard him suddenly say, and his foot steps running, making a thumping noise across my ceiling. 

I could always here him from up in his room, thanks to the vent in my ceiling. My mind wandered back to Kendall's note, and his words. My mind was racing with thoughts about it. 

I jumped out of bed, and walked over to my body mirror, and slowly slid off my shirt. I stared at my image, letting Kendall's lyrics run through my mind. 

"It's what's underneath you're skin, the beauty that shines within..." I said aloud, calm and slow. 

"It's what's underneath you're skin, the beauty that shines within!" I repeated, now singing it. 

I made a face at my reflection, then laughed. He's such a dumbass. My 'beauty' is on the outside, I should know, I'm staring at it right now. 

Smiling at myself once more, I made my way back to my bed, and shoved all my stuff off. I switched the lights off, and cuddled up in my blankets, as his words hit me again. 

I snorted. Haha, such a dumbass blonde.


	3. Kapital Zwei

KAPITAL ZWEI

KENDALL'S POV

 

"But baby, there you go again, there you go again, making me love youuu~! Yeah, I stopped using my head, using my head, let it all goooo~!" 

My eyes fluttered open to the sound of my alarm going off. "Mmmm, Maroon 5 in the morning..." I mumbled. 

I jumped out of bed, and went over to my closet to pick out a fresh pair of clothes. I changed into a new set of boxers, and tossed of my shirt I slept in. I grabbed a pair of black skinny jeans, my red 'PARIS7' shirt, grey vans, and a grey beanie. 

I checked my hair in the little mirror in my room, and put my hat on. I sighed grabbed my bag and headed out. 

"Good morning, sweetie." Mum said, cheerfully. "Hungry?" 

I shrugged. "Not really. I'll probably just stop and get Logan some food, and maybe get me something if I'm hungry by then." 

She frowned a bit. "You sure? I can make you boys something to eat here?"

I was already putting on my black four buttoned coat when she suggested that. "I'm fine, mum. Really, I am." 

"Alright," She said, walking over to me. "Drive safe." She kissed my cheek.

"Like always," I replied. "love you, I'll see you later." 

I slide my bag over my shoulder, and walked out. I was already on the second floor, I knew because I saw James walking out of his apartment. My face heated up, and I kept my head down as I continued to walk past him.

THUD!

My face collided- no, my whole body collided with the floor. "Have a nice 'trip' blondie, see you next fall!" 

James laughed at his idiotic joke, as he walked away. 

"Kendall!" I heard someone shout. 

I struggled to breathe, considering the fall knocked the wind right out of me. Logan was now next to me, helping me sit up. I gasped, air finally returning to my lungs. I coughed, and looked at Logan. 

"I-I'm alright." I sorta smiled, my voice a little hoarse and shaken. 

Logan's face was twisted, exactly what it does when he's pissed off. "I can't believe you love him! He keeps hurting you, and I can't sit here and keep watching this happen!" 

"Logan, I'm fine." I lied. "He's not always doing this." 

He gave me a look. "Kendall, you're lying through you're teeth." 

I looked up at him, a sad look on my face. "I'm sorry.." I sighed. "I was planning on getting you some breakfast this morning, if you'd like." 

Logan's features brightened, and he smiled. "That's really nice of you, K-dog." 

I snorted. He hasn't used that name sense middle school. Maybe it's time to bring it back. 

 

~*~

 

"Thank you for breakfast," Logan told me, still munching on a McDonald's hashbrown. 

I smiled. "dein sehr wilkomm!" 

"Huh?" 

"It's German for 'your very welcome'!" 

Logan's cheeks began to flush again. "Oh. I like that you know a second language." 

"I'm German, so, it kinda comes in handy." I said, shrugging a little.

Just then, James' Gallardo pulled up in the parking spot next to my car. That, made me look away as I felt my face heat up. I took out my phone, and read the time as '7:05'.

"OH SHIT!" I yelled, turning off the car. 

"Kendall, what's wrong?!" Logan asked, startled. 

"School starts in five!" 

 

~*~

 

I had to walk to my locker, because I'm stupid, and didn't put my math book in my bag. Sighing, I dialed the combo, and it roughly popped open. A small piece of paper was resting under a magnet in the door. 

 

Meet me in the guys bathroom in the Juniors hallway during 3rd period. 

-xoxo, JD.

 

I felt my cheeks beginning to burn up, and a certain throb forming somewhere where it shouldn't I know that signature, and those initials. 

This note was from the one and only James Diamond. THE JAMES DIAMOND. But what does he want with me? Does he wanna apologize for what he did to me earlier? Does he want to beat the shit outta me?

Whatever he does, just don't make the wrong move, I told myself. 

 

~*~

 

"Can I be excused?" I asked my 3rd period teacher, and they nodded. 

I rushed out of the class room, and hurried to the Juniors hallway bathroom. I took a deep breathe, and walked in. I glanced around, no James. Suddenly, I heard a click of the door, and I turned around, to see James standing there, locking the door. My heart raced, and my face warmed up again. 

"I'm just gonna say it," James started. "Did you really write that note for me? Or was it put in the wrong locker by accident?" 

My face grew even hotter. "W-w-what n-note?" 

"Don't play stupid," James crossed his arms. "I heard you singing those lyrics last night in you're room." 

SHIT. How does he hear me?

"Okay, okay. I did write that. I did write it for you..." I blurted out. 

"Why?" He asked, in a stern voice. 

I didn't answer him, instead, I rushed over to him and crashed my lips against his, as I held his face in my hands. 

James' body tensed, but, after a few seconds it relaxed, and I felt his hands rest on my waist. My heart was breathing so fast and hard against my chest, I was scared that it would just pop out at any moment. 

He started kissing me back, and I melting into him. His kissed were perfect, just like he was. But soon enough, his lips weren't on mine, and his fist was replaced there instead. My head flew back, and my body hit the wall behind me. 

"God damn it!" I screamed, pain exploding through my face. 

"Don't ever fucking do that again, you fag!" James yelled, throwing another punch to my jaw. "YOU HEAR ME?!" 

Another blow. 

And another. 

And another. 

And another...

Until I'm falling, feeling the cold tile of the bathroom floor hitting my skin like thousands of needles stinging it. I heard the bathroom door unlock, and squeak shut has the suspect left his victim lying there, blacking out of the world. Possibly forever. 

BRING! BRING! BRING!

I faintly heard the bell ring, signaling the passing time to 4th period. What was I gonna do? I guess the only thing I really can do is lay here and hope someone comes in and lends me a hand. 

"Kendall?!" I heard someone saying, but, barely. "Oh shit, oh my god..."

"L-Logan?" Woah, was that me? My voice sounded horrible. 

"Who the fuck did this to you?! Oh my god, Kendall, please, stay awake. 

"J-James... he.. he left..." 

I heard him growl, and then felt his arms wrap around me, trying to sit me up. 

"Can you walk? I'm taking you to the nurse. Then, I'm driving you home." 

Logan was the bestest friend a person could ask for. He always had my back, and I always had his. 

"I love you, bud." That was the last thing I said, before I officially passed out cold. 

 

~*~

 

My eyes slowly opened, revealing my bedroom ceiling. I started to feel pain in my jaw. " H-hey, you're awake..." 

I glanced over next to me, to find a sleepy Logan. Did he stay with me while I was sleeping? "How long have you been here?" 

"I took you to the nurses office, and they suspended James. I brought you home after, considering they told me to make sure you get some peaceful rest." he explained. 

"What about my mum? What did she say?" 

"She told me to take good care of you, and that she trusted me too." 

I smiled thinking of how trusting and caring my mother was. "Thank you," I told him, now looking in his direction. 

His face began staining that bright rose color again. "No problem, bud." he said his voice shaking a little. "uhm, Kendall?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Do you remember saying anything to me before you passed out?" 

"No. Did I say something embarrassing? Oh my god, I did, didn't I?" 

Logan bit his lip, roughly. "Well, it might be embarrassing, I'm not sure." 

"Well, what did I say?" 

"You said that you loved me."


	4. Kapital Drei

KAPITAL DREI

KENDALL'S POV 

 

 

"You said you loved me." 

My heat sank in my chest, all the way down to my stomach. I... I really told Logan that I loved him? "I really said that?" 

He nodded. "Yeah, I wasn't sure if you meant it for real, or in a brotherly love kinda thing."

"I'm not sure how I meant it, I really don't remember being all there at the time." 

"Oh," was all he could say. He looked away from me, and messed around with the little strings hanging off of my home-made Spider-man blanket. 

Without thinking, I turned to him. My hand moved to Logan's cheek, just like the other day. I moved his face, so he was now looking at me, and my eyes widened, seeing his eyes filling with tears. "Logan, what's wrong?" I asked, calmly. 

"It doesn't matter," he mumbled, now looking away again. I didn't understand. Yesterday, he couldn't keep his eyes off of me. 

"It does matter," I told him. "to me, anyway. Please, talk to me." 

Logan looked back up at me, tears now streaming down his flushed cheeks. "I...I..." 

I looked into his eyes, they said it all. They always have. "You love me, don't you?" 

He didn't reply, instead, he sat up a little, and moved his face close to mine, jsut before our lips met. he whispered, "I love you, Kendall." 

Our lips met, slow, and passionate. I wasn't really sure if I loved Logan, my best friend. I mean, sure, I loved him, but my heart was currently in James' grasp. I wasn't sure if Logan was trying to change that. Words couldn't describe how I was feeling right now, Logan's kisses felt just like James'. Perfect. And, absolutely delicious. 

The kiss quickly turned into fast, sloppy, and, well, still passionate. Logan moved, and I also felt his hands move, resting on my chest. His hands started pushing, giving me a tiny shove, and I fell backwards, pulling away from he kiss, and now laying down. Logan crawled his way on top of me, and grinned. I smiled back, but my smiled quickly faded when his lips lingered down to my neck. 

His hips pressed against mine, as his kisses trailed down my neck. I gasped, and he stopped, and smiled at the spot on my neck that I gasped at. The little bastard, he found my weak spot, and I knew he intended on abusing it. 

"Kendall!" I heard my mum call, and a light knock was placed on my bedroom door. My eyes widened, and I hurried, and pushed Logan right off the top of me. 

"Yeah?" I asked, blushing furiously. 

Logan glared at the door, of course, until my mother walked in. "I just got a phone call." 

"For me?" I asked, curiosity hitting me. 

"It was James' mother," she told me.

Gulp. "W-what did she want?" 

"She told me that James feels terrible, and that he was sorry, and he wanted to know if you wanted to come over for dinner in a few minutes." 

I looked over at Logan, whose face was twisted again. James ruined his plans once again, and I can tell it was starting to really piss him off. "Uhm, sure. I guess I can do that." 

"Wonderful! I'll call her back, and let her know you're coming over." she said, cheerfully. 

She walked out of my room, and I sighed heavily, blowing my bangs up. 

"Perfect!" Logan said, loudly. "you're so stupid." 

"Excuse me?" I asked, now getting mad at his tone of voice. 

"You heard me. Have you considered this could be a trap? He could be planning you're death this time, Kendall! God.." 

"His mum is gonna be there the whole time, I doubt she'll let anything happen to me." 

"Just... be careful." Logan said, now sitting beside me His hand resting on my leg, and now inching it's way higher. 

"Logan!" I smacked his hand. "Calm down there, cougar."

He blushed, and laughed at me. "I might have a difficult time calming down," he smirked. "and it kinda felt like you are gonna have the same issue."

"S-shut up!!"

 

JAMES' POV 

 

"This is a wonderful dinner, Ms. Diamond, thank you." Kendall finally spoke. He hasn't even much mumbled a word sense he got here. This dinner was really awkward.

"Thank you," Mom thanked him, and she smiled. "Kendall, you're welcome to stay and hang out with James after you're finished eating, if you'd like."

"WH-" I started to protest, until she kicked me with her heels under the table. "I MEAN, yeah, that sounds like fun..." I said, griding my teeth. 

Kendall had a nervous look plastered on his face. "Uhm, I'd love to stay, but I'm not so sure that I sho-"

"Please, stay. I think you and James need to become better friends, and bond more." My mother interrupted him.

He bit his lip, rather roughly, it looked. "Uh, I guess, I can stay for awhile..."

"Wonderful! I will take care of dishes," She said, rather happily. "run along you two."

I rolled my eyes, and got up, and grabbed Kendall's arm, dragging him to my bedroom. He followed, considering I was forcing him too. When we got in there, he looked around, his eyes curiously picking over every last detail my room contained.

"You're room is," Kendall said, struggling to find the right words to finish his sentence. "nice." 

"Thanks," I mumbled, sitting down on my bed. 

"Can I?" He asked, pointing to my bed. 

"Sure."

He sat down, but, right next to me. Really close. I wasn't sure how to feel to that, besides that I wanted to move away from him. Especially sense he kissed me, and I... I kissed him back. I wasn't really sure how to react or feel to the situation. It was my first kiss, and that's how I thought I needed to react. That bastard, he stole my first kiss!

"You stole it." I said aloud, not really realizing that I did. 

"I stole what?" He questioned. 

"My first kiss." 

"Oh," he said, quietly. "I'm sorry." 

My stomach started feeling funny. Like, there was something floating around in there. Was that... butterflies? Was I starting to feel feelings for him? Nah, I wasn't, I knew that for a fact. I was straight. 

Right?

I didn't hesitate to what I was about to do. I put my hand on Kendall's face, turning it, so now he was looking at me. 

"James? What are you d-" I cut him off, by pressing my lips gently against his. Kendall kissed me back immediately, his body leaning into mine, slowly. 

He was practically melting into me. Kendall's kisses were leaving me weak, it was like some kind of kryptonite. I fell back gently against my bed, now laying down on my back. Kendall moved his body, until it was level with mine. I found my hands messing around with his belt buckle, starting to undo the loop. Soon enough his zipper was down, and I was making my way into his jeans. I've never went this far, let alone with a guy.

Kendall pulled away a minute later, gasping for air. "D-don't you hate me?" he suddenly asked, and I felt something inside me that I never have before. Pain. A thousand knives stabbing into my stomach at his words. 

I looked into his eyes, his beautiful green eyes, they were now darkened over with lust and need. So, he really did love me, like he said, didn't he? I smirked, not answering him. Swiftly, I rolled us over, and I was the one on top of him, now. I immediately attached my lips to his neck, finding his weak spot, almost instantly. I began sucking down hard, on that one spot. Kendall let out a loud gasp, then followed the biting down on his lips so he could let anything else out. I was honestly starting to feel bad for hitting him. 

"J-james.." he moaned, causing me to bite down on his neck. He gapsed, even louder then before, but this time, i felt his hips buck up into mine, and I found myself pushing my own hips back down onto his. 

I felt my heart beginning to pound frantically, and something else started forming in my jeans. "Someones excited, huh?" 

My face heated up, and I looked down from both of us. "Looks like the both of us," I smirked, seeing his little happy trail in his skinnies. I could actually see it really well. 

Just then, my door flung open. "James! It-" My mom came in, and stopped dead in her tracks. "I-I gues I was interupting something..." She said, her face staining a pinkish color. 

"No, you weren't, Ms. Diamond." Kendall said, quickly. He pushed me off of him, and tried to fix his shirt and beanie. "I was just gonna tell James goodnight, and I was gonna be on my way."

"Y-you sure?" she asked, shaking a little bit.

"Kendall, please, you can stay." I begged, as I felt frustrated as hell. Yes, in both ways.

"No, I'll just be going now. Thank you for dinner." Kendall said, rushing out of my bedroom. 

"You're welcome over here anytime, you know!" Mom shouted to him. 

"Thanks again, Ms. Diamond!" he hollered back, shutting our apartment door closed. 

 

KENDALL'S POV 

 

"Stupid," I mumbled to myself, starting to walk up the stairs to the next floor. "Stupid!" 

I opened the door to my apartment, and shut it behind me. I was so embarrassed, my face is probably gonna be red for weeks. And, that memory will always be replaying in my mind, and that hard throb in my pants will always return at the thought. 

I rushed to my room, and shut the door behind me. I was really confused, I needed to get my mind straighted out. Was James just playing me again like he did in the bathroom at school? or does he really mean well, and really does like me now, and it took him a day and an ass kickin' to realize it? 

Sighing, I fell backwards onto my bed, feeling that wave of tiredness crashing down on me. i've had a long day, and I needed some sleep. That's what I'll do, I'll sleep it off. Hopefully, everything will be cleared up by tomorrow, or atleast in a couple of days. 

But, I couldn't help but continue what happened earlier, but, only in my dreams.


	5. Kapital Vier

KAPITAL VIER

KENDALL'S POV

 

 

Boy, I think about it every night, and day. I'm addicted, wanna jump inside your love. I wouldn't wanna have it any other, way. I'm addicted, and I just can't get enough.

I stayed in bed until that song by the Black Eyed-Peas was completely Such a good song, and so many good memories that were shaped around it.I finally got up, and walked out and into the bathroom. I turned on the shower, and waited for the water to get warm. While I waited, I glanced at myself in the mirror. I stared hard, noticing two purpleish marks on me. One on my collar bone, and one on a little bit higher above that one, but on my neck.

James gave me hickeys. 

I watched as my face turned a bright scarlet color in my reflection before me. James Diamond, the most popular guyy in school, gave me a hickey. Oh happy day. 

I eventually got in the shower and was out in about five minute. I wrapped the towel around my waist, and made my way back to my bedroom to pick out my clothes. I threw on a fresh set of boxers, a white t-shirt, a bright yellow plaid long sleeve, dark blue skinny jeans, and grey vans. 

As I was getting dressed, there was a light knock at my door. "Yeah?" I called out. 

"Dressed?" I heard them ask. "Eh, who cares. I can live seeing you naked."

Logan walked in a few second late, laughing at his own joke. I punched him in the arm, then continued rolling my sleeves up to my elbows. I quickly looked in the mirror, and shoved a beanie on top of my head. 

"Ready for scho-" Logan started, but then stopped. 

I raised an eyebrow, wondering why he stopped. Until, I saw where his gaze was being looked. My neck. Where James gave me those marks. 

"I can explain," I sad quickly, trying to calm him down. I could tell anger was beginning to fill him to the brim. 

"What the hell happened last night?" He asked through gridded teeth.

"His mum begged me to stay, and hang out with James So, I said 'I guess I can do that' and he took me to his room, where he told me," I stopped, knowing I didn't tell Logan what happend before James beat me up in the guys bathroom.

"He what?" Logan asked, his voice filled with disgust. 

"He told me, I stole his first kiss, and that's why he kicked my ass." 

"Woah, when did you even kiss him in the first place?" 

"I kissed him when we were in the bathroom. He was asking me why I wrote that note, and instead of explaining my feelings, I kinda, uhm, kissed him." 

Logan's face twisted into something more then usual. "I cannot believe this," he said. "Kendall, why?" 

"I didn't know what else to do! I didn't want to tell him how I felt, I know he wasn-" I stopped, again. 

"Go ahead, say it!" he spat at me. 

"...Gay." I said, feeling bad for even bringing up the subject. 

Logan was silent for the longest time, but a few minutes later, after staring at each other, searching for words, he said, "What else happened last night?" 

"He kissed me," I admitted right away. "and, then he gave me theses," I pulled my collar down, to reveal the other bruise that was placed on my collar bone. 

"Son of a bitch!" Logan shouted, his face turning red. 

"Logan, it's fine, really. I'm okay." 

"He marked you, Kendall." 

"What do you mean by he 'marked' me?" 

Logan rolled his eyes slightly, causing my insides to boil. "What I mean by ''marking you'' , is that he claimed you as his. He claimed you as his by leaving his mark on you're neck, for everyone else to see, so no one tries anything funny with you." 

I stared at Logan hard. "Wait, how do I know these aren't from you?" I asked, quickly. "You were doing the same thing he was doing." 

"I didn't bite you, now did I? They only turn that color when the other person actually bites down on the soft skin, causing it to cruse. Which, created the purpleish color." 

He really was a genius. 

I shrugged him off, and kept getting ready for the day. "Kendall, are you even listening?!" 

"Why should I be? All you're gonna do is yell at me. You kno I love James, and I couldn't help myself!" 

"Haven't you considered that I love you as well?! All I've been trying to do is keep you safe, I 've been looking out for you. I'm trying to keep yo-" 

"Under control?" I continued for him. "Stop trying to protect me, I'm not you're property. 

Logan looked like he had just seen his new puppy get hit by a truck. "Logan, I'm sorry, I'm just-" 

"You just don't get it, Kendall." He said, turning away from me. 

"Logan, please," I begged. "I'm sorry. I'm just having a rough couple of days."

"Whatever. Just leave me alone." 

 

~*~

 

The rest of the day was absolutely miserable. Logan wouldn't talk to me, James kept looking at me, but I'd look away, still embarrassed. I couldn't sit still in my seat. I kept scratch at my skin. I don't know what was going on, but I was really itching to get out of this hell hole. 

"Hi." 

I glanced over to the right of me, to see a guy smiling at me. "Hello," 

"I'm new to the school, and you look pretty nice," He went on. "do you think you can show me around?" 

I nodded. "Yeah, I can do that. Would you like me to show you tomorrow? Sense school is almost out for the day." 

"Yeah, that'd be great." 

"By the way, what's your name?" I asked quickly, as I glanced at the clock. The bell was about to ring. 

"Carlos," He replied. "and you?"

"Kendall." I smiled, just as the bell rung. "Well, Carlos, I drive Mazda RX8. Meet me in the parking lot tomorrow morning, and I'll show you around." 

Carlos blushed lightly, smiling at me. "Sounds like a plan, I'll see you then." 

I quickly walked out of the class room, and hurried to my locker. Shoving everything I need in there, I made my way to my car, hoping I wouldn't be caught by James and or Logan. I messed with my keys, trying to find the right one to go and unlock the door. 

"Kendall!" I heard someone call. 

"Please don't be James, please don't be James." I whispered quietly, unlocking the door, and throwing my stuff in the passenger seat. 

"Kendall, hey," I heard James say, his hand hanging onto the car door. I moved, now standing up, to realize that James was much closer to me then I had thought. My eyes glanced down at him, then back up. 

"H-hi." I said quietly. "I have to get going." 

"C-can you come over again?" James asked, shifting a bit. "I wanna talk to you." 

"I'll have to see what's going on," I told him, slowly making my way into my car. 

"Well just come by anytime." He smiled, moving in closer to me. His lips met mine a few seconds later, making my heart pick up speed. He pulled away, and made his way into his car that was parked next to mine. 

I did as he did, and made my way into my car, and drove home. 

 

~*~

 

It's been awhile, sense I could, look at myself straight.   
And it's been awhile, sense I could say I loved myself as well.   
And, it's been awhile, sense I've gone and fcked things up, just like I always do. 

 

I quickly wrote down those lyrics on the notebook paper lying on my bed beside me. I picked my guitar back up, and started strumming out a tune for it. 

Knock. knock. 

"Yeah?" I called out. 

"Kendall, sweetie, someone's here to see you," I heard my mum tell me, before the door opened, and shut right behind the person. 

"H-hey," James said quietly, standing at the door, while looking around. 

"Hiya." I replied, pretending to tune my guitar, even though it sounded perfect. 

"You never showed up," 

"I'm a little busy, James. We could hang out any other time." I told him, now looking up at his face. 

"What are you doing?" James questioned, grabbing my notebook off my bed, and sat down in the spot it was in. 

"Those are personal!" I yelled, trying to snatch the book away from him. 

"Are these lyrics?" 

"Yes, now hand it over." 

"On one condition," He grinned, holding my journal in the air. 

"Details, please." I asked, give him a hard glare. 

"Kiss me," James said quietly, watching my reaction. 

My face stained a deep red color, as I looked away from him. "W-why?" 

"You want you're lyric book back or not?" 

I stared at the floor, hard, before looking back up at him. "Okay, fine. Just gimme my book back." 

"How do I know you'll still do it?"

"Because I-" I started to say, before I quickly stopped. "I just will, okay? You can trust me." 

James blushed lightly. "Okay," he handed me my book back, and I set it over on my side table. I turned back around, to find James closer then he was before. He smiled softly waiting for me. I leaned into him, pressing my lips against his gently, giving him the kiss he asked for. 

I pulled away seconds later. "Satisfied?" 

James opened his eyes, and looked at me. His gaze was... intense. His hand moved, grabbing my guitar from me, and rested it up against the wall. He sat back down quickly, and grabbed onto my shirt, and pulled me back to him, roughly, kissing me again. "I need to figure something out, Kendall." 

My heart thudded heavily against my chest, making me think it would just pop out at any moment. "A-and what might t-that be?" 

James opened his mouth, but then quickly shut it, not wanting to say anything, I guess. "I don't wanna say anything." 

"Well, you have to figure something out, maybe I can help you?" I told him, looking at the expressions he was making. He looked like he was torn between being sad, and frustrated as hell. 

"Yes, you can help me." He said, his voice going soft. His hands moved from the collar of my shirt, sliding down, and un-buttoning the buttons. I stayed quiet, watching him carefully. He was acting different, and I needed to figure out why. He's acting so skittish. He slid the shirt off of me, then quickly moved back, and ripped off my white t-shirt that was underneath the other. 

"Like what you see?" I asked, laughing a bit. 

James blushed a bit harder, before his hands moved down lower, screwing around with my jeans. "J-James what are you planning on doing?" 

"Shh," He shushed me, continuing what he was doing. "Does you're door lock?" 

"Uhm, y-yeah." I mumbled, watching him jump off of the bed, locked the door, and hurried back. 

James grinned at me, before grabbing the hem of his shirt, and slowly pulling it up and over the top of him. He threw it somewhere in my room. My eyes widened slightly, as I looked his body over. My god, he was gorgeous. 

"Now, where were we?" James questioned, moving closer to me. 

I bit down hard on my lip, watching him trying to slide my pants off of me. My face was probably looking like a tomato. I was getting so nervous and turned on from this, I just couldn't take it anymore. I placed my hand on James' cheek, and pulled him up for a rough kiss. He did it back, still working with my pants. 

I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer. My heart was beating faster then earlier, just at the thought of this beautiful boy was here in my arms, and stripping me of my clothing. James, the guy I've loved for so long is finally mine. 

Well, was he really mine?

He finally slid my jeans all the way off of me, and he pulled away from the kiss, us both breathing heavily. I quickly moved my hands, messing around with his jeans now. James breathed in deep as he watched me. He bit his lip, before pushing my hands away, and quickly took them off himself. Next thing I knew, is I was lying on my back, with James on top of me, with his hips pressing down onto mine, and him kissing with me. 

I pulled back, gasping. "J-james, what d-do you expect to do?" 

"Everything," James gasped out, now sitting up. His fingers wrapped around the brim on my boxers, as he started slowly pulling them down. 

"James," I said, grabbing his wrists. "I've never done this before." 

"Neither have I." he admitted, before pulling mine off, and then next were his. He leaned back down on me, his lips pressing against mine gently, before trailing down my jaw, and down my neck. 

"You're poking me," James said, laughing lightly. 

I blushed furiously. "I-I can't help it.."

James grinned, biting at my skin gently, making me shift underneath him. "K-kiss me," I begged him. Anything to get him away from biting at my skin. James did as I asked, kissing me roughly, before moving his hips into a certain position. 

"P-please," he asked, moving his hips slightly. 

"Yes," I told him. 

He slid right into me slowly, making the both of us gasp out. "O-oh my g-god," James said, as he kept sliding til he was fully inside of me. My teeth were biting down on my lip, keeping me from making any noises. "Please, K-kendall, say s-something." 

"W-well w-what do you w-" I started to ask, before he pulled out a little, then slammed right back in, making me gasp. "J-james! H-holy shit.." 

The rest of the night was filled with our gasping, grunting, and moaning out each others names. That is, until we both reached our breaking point. James cumming inside of me, and me doing the same, but releasing all over the both of us. James pulled out slowly, and collapsed on top of me. Our chests moved in sync with each other, breathing heavily. 

My breathing leveled out again, and my body began shutting down. My eyes began to flutter shut, and the last thing I heard before I fell asleep was James whispering that he loved me.


End file.
